Parenting Without Reprimanding: What Parents Should Know

Berlin. Children want their parents to stop scolding, yelling, and threatening. Parents wish their children wouldn’t drive them crazy. Nicholas Schmidt says both can be helped. Science journalist and best-selling author is an advocate of nonviolent communication in education.

“Reprimanding doesn’t work, and this has been proven many times in scientific studies,” Schmidt says. Neither yelling nor punishment prevents children from doing contraband. Instead, it will teach them to hide or lie about the negative behavior. In addition, studies from the University of Montreal have shown that bravado They leave marks similar to beatings in the brains of children.


Parenting Without Reprimanding: What Parents Should Know

But what happens when a son or a daughter does not want to listen, and they lack nonsense and it is no use to persuade them? Many parents fear being tyrannical or without reprimand spoiled kids Bring, which dances around the nose. Then Schmidt advises being kind and attentive — also toward yourself.



“Parents have to be kind to themselves and approach parenting with heart and mind. There is no scientific basis for the fact that children don’t take me seriously if I am not very strict and consistent,” Schmidt explains. Instead, research shows that upbringing that respects a child produces cooperative, group-oriented people.

who – which fathers and mothers This does not mean that they always have to do what their children want. Mom and Dad don’t have to and can’t meet all needs, but they should always listen to children and demonstrate that they understand and take their needs seriously.

The idea behind this is that parents are always responsible for their children’s behaviour. For Schmidt, the task of parents is to make children able to cooperate. “If children do something just because they are told to do it, they do it, but they stop doing it once the stress is gone.” Life Benefit: Zero.

Nonviolent communication with the child: This is the highest priority

Introduction of Nonviolent Communication In education: Do not yell at your child – even if he is behind a disaster, for example on the balcony in the garden. Instead of saying out loud, “What a mess, how can you?” It’s best to stay calm: “You guys have enjoyed the confusion, but now we have a lot of work to clean up this mess. Next time I want you to sprinkle water in the garden, not my yard.” If the parents can express their feelings, teach the child kindness.

What applies to dealing with children also applies to the relationship between parents. “There’s no point in preaching harmony to children and then yelling at your partner,” Schmidt says. Children have subtle antennae for moods and learn by imitation. The more relaxed and happy the parents are, the more harmonious the family will be, the more children will cooperate.



Set clear rules and admit your mistakes

At the same time: children need Grammar. Clear and specific rules, formulated in simple language: “Don’t say” act yourself! “At the table. It’s too abstract, and no child can imagine what it means. Instead, say: ‘Now please sit quietly and eat with a fork,'” says the author.

Read also: Vegetarian Kids – A very healthy meat-free diet

Parents can’t break habits overnight either. Especially when they are under stress – eg due to time pressure or anger. So it happens that parents sometimes lose their temper. Then, according to Schmidt, the best thing to do is to step down from the throne of the infallible mother or the all-knowing father and admit mistakes.


This way children learn that mistakes are not a broken leg and that they will adopt this behavior. To do this, go to the child’s eye level and find physical contact. This is how you signal to the child that you take it seriously,” Schmidt explains.

Parenting Without Reprimanding: Lots of Practice and Patience

At first, nonviolent communication is a huge challenge, agrees Cathy Weber, family counselor and nonviolent communication coach. “It takes a lot of practice and a lot of patience.” In Weber’s view, the most important thing is unconditional love. The 41-year-old often finds that parents have a feeling that they are not Coercion and threats Education is not working. “There is a lack of confidence that people will do things voluntarily,” she says.

In addition, it is difficult for a relatively large number of people to recognize and express their feelings and needs. “Because we probably didn’t learn it,” Webber says. She is convinced that anyone can learn it.

Child and Parents: Two Needs – One Compromise

and what if child and parent They formulated their needs and these completely contradict each other? “The vision is for us to find solutions that consider everyone, meet their needs, and cater to them in the best possible way,” she explains.

An example of brushing teeth: The child feels the need to do something else. Mom or Dad wants to see the brushing process quickly. a compromise It could be: You pick a song together that plays while you brush your teeth.

Communicate Peacefully in Four Steps

The American psychologist explained how communicative interaction between people can succeed without violence Marshall B Rosenberg (1934 to 2015) Developed a business plan. Central to Rosenberg’s approach is the assumption that human action is based on the desire to satisfy one’s needs. Often these are in competition with the needs of others.


You can only reach a communicative solution if you treat your peer with empathy – and not immediately assess and judge. So you get Rosenberg four steps in hand:

  1. Valueless control.
  2. Visualize and express your feelings.
  3. Recognize and express your own needs.
  4. Drafting a request.

This article first appeared on abendblatt.de.

Monday May 30 2022, 4:22 pm

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